Thursday, June 27, 2013

When Motherhood and Sorrow Meet

I've never been a loyal sports team fan like my brothers.  We were born and breed in NY.  My mom is a METS fan, my one brother Yankees, Knicks and Giants and my youngest brother strangely enough is a Broncos fan.  I'm more like my dad when it comes to sports.  My dad enjoys any sport that has a Puerto Rican on the team.  "¿Ve ese ahí? ¡Él es boricua!" You see that guy there? He's Puerto Rican.  And that's pretty much how I have followed and enjoyed sports ever since.  I love hearing their stories and how they grew to love the sport they played, whether it be on the island or a local worn down ball field or court on the block.  More recently I have been following tennis thanks to Monica Puig. 

Being the mother of two boys I decided to really get into sports, for their sakes of course.  There are  two stations on in our crazyvan, KLOVE and ESPN.   I love listening to The Herd.  Colin Cowherd is just right up my alley.  My kids laugh at Steven A. Smith, they think he's nuts, and they think Ryan Rucco has a funny name.

Knowing now how I follow sports you can just imagine how I have been following this tragic Aaron Hernandez story.  I have kept tabs on Aaron since he joined the Patriots, even though I'm a New Yorker.  I stayed in my car so long yesterday that my car battery died. I'm thankful to have finally put my jumper cables back in the crazyvan and for the two gentlemen that helped me.

Just thinking about this tragedy can bring me to tears.  It makes my heart hurt and brings me so much sorrow.   I've been praying for the family of the man whose life was taken from him.  May the Lord fill them with peace and comfort and may the Lord's justice be done in all of this.   As a mother I hope to never know what this feels like, to have your child's life taken away. 

My heart also aches for the living. Most especially today for the mother of Aaron Hernandez.  To think that it may be possible for the baby you held in your arms to possibly turn into a monster.  As the mother of two boys, I'm in pain.  I'm sure I shouldn't think or care so much about this, but I do.  What is she going through? Is she sleeping? Is she blaming herself?  Does she have a Savior she can lay her burdens down on? I'm praying for you.

I pray every morning for my relationship with my sons, the children the Lord has given me to raise into men.  It is such a weight to carry on your shoulders.  Am I praying for them enough? For their future?  For their relationships with each other?  For their friends? The people they will walk along side with? For their wives? Was the way I spoke to them today right? Did I really need to yell? Is today the day I change them forever? Am I raising them up in the way of the Lord? Am I the person I want them to be? 

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.~ Ephesians 6:4

It's so hard.... so hard... I cry.  They are so little.  Who will they become?  God bless them.  Walk along side them because I'm going to mess up. But you Lord, you never fail.

I'm grateful for His grace and mercy...

I also know that I could do everything right.  I could teach them everything the Lord has said and lived that life.  We could pack up and be missionaries in Uganda.  And they could decide the Lord is not what they want.   Lord have mercy. 

My prayers are for the mothers of Odin Lloyd and Aaron Hernandez.  For their hearts and for their pain.  Their is no greater sorrow than the loss of a child.  Both have lost their sons, the babies they once cradled in their arms and sang lullabies to.  I pray for the daughter of Aaron Hernandez, and that she knows that she has a Father in heaven that will always be there.  My prayer is for this fallen world.  That it turn to Jesus and walk away from Satan. We all fall short of God's glory but every minute, every second, every hour, everyday is an opportunity to start over and give your past to God.  What a blessing to have so many chances.  Lord bless my children.  Give them compassion for others and to be honorable men after your own heart Lord.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, 
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

~Lamentations 3:22-23

S. Vanessa

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

- James 1:2-3